- A LEAP FORWARD
The ’20s kick off with a leap year, and 2020 will be a historical first year to include a Feb. 30 and 31 so future generations stop asking why those days don’t exist.
- GOOD LUCK
According to the Chinese Zodiac, 2020 is the Year of the Metal Rat, promising a “strong, lucky, prosperous” year for anyone who believes in the Chinese Zodiac.
- SUFFRAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
The 100-year anniversary of the 19th Amendment, which granted women voting rights, will remind everyone that the constitution is amenable.
In April, the popular marijuana holiday 4/20 will be celebrated for the entire month resulting in an economic boom and inadvertently bringing about world peace.
- SPACE WARS
NASA and the ESA launch dueling Mars rovers toward the red planet, and both will be intercepted halfway by alien lifeforms who look nothing like Baby Yoda.
Texting by thinking becomes mainstream tech, bringing an end to the usage of the initialism “LOL” when the programming requires actual laughter to text it.
The Summer Olympics are held in Tokyo, Japan where in an effort to increase viewership, athletes must compete in rubber kaiju monster costumes for the entirety of the games.
Ghostbusters 2020 hits the big screen uproaring fans of the 2016 reboot, and a new cinematic revolution follows, allowing online voting for what films should be made and how.
An influx of automation leads Tesla to unveil a new breed of self-driving car that holds no passengers, equipped with robotically conceived destinations, and life goals.
- ELTON & THE JETS
Legendary musician Elton John finishes his goodbye tour, after which he will board his bedazzled rocket and space travel to retire in the Messier 51 Whirlpool Galaxy.
- PROS & CONNECTIONS
The internet’s existence is threatened when advanced capabilities of 5G and Wi-Fi 6 give rise to a digital black hole comprised of email spam and robocalls.
Due to content demand on the multitude of video streaming services, the government will mandate all citizens to produce and star in year-round television programming.
The Jeddah Tower in Saudi Arabia finishes construction to become the world’s tallest man-made structure at 3,280 feet and will be visible from your backyard.
- CONSOLE SURVIVOR
With the holiday release of Sony’s PS5 and Microsoft’s Scarlett, the console war will unintentionally alienate gamers, causing an increase in nationwide book sales.
- DATA DUMP
In response to ongoing privacy concerns, Facebook dawns a new age of corporate transparency when they begin to sell user data in their online marketplace.
- COMMON CENTS
In the pursuit of renewable resources, researchers discover a method of converting billions of forgotten pennies into payment for their thankless efforts.
- EVERY VOTE COUNTS
On Nov. 3, the U.S. Presidential Election will see a record turnout as millions of young voters elect former joke candidate “Deez Nutz” as the 46th POTUS.
- HOT STUFF
Global warming is proven true, and in an attempt to reverse it, scientists incite global cooling which leads to a worldwide outbreak of sunglasses and leather jackets.
- A ROARING HUSH
Social sensitivity laws are put into effect which prevents speech from upsetting or offending, earning the new decade the nickname “The Silent Twenties.”
- THE END
After several failed predictions, the apocalypse finally hits Earth after Disney gains license to the entire planet, vaults it, and releases a subpar CGI remake.
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