[intro-text size=”25px”]Hey ya’ll, it’s your pal Chad Weaver here. I know summer’s over, but that doesn’t mean the heat has to end. That’s right. I’m talking about dating, about smooching, about curling up next to a fire with that hunk of rotting meat you call a soulmate.
What’s that? You’re saying, “But Chad, what if I don’t have anyone who once was dust and will become dust again to love?” Well it’s okay, because nothing matters except death, but also because I’m here for you with some dating tips to keep that summer love burning all the way into the fall.[/intro-text]
Chad Weaver’s Smokin’ Hot Dating Tip #1:
Listen boys and girls, it’s simple, you just have to find someone you can unabashedly be yourself around, and then gather up the courage and ask them out. It’s hard to trust that there’s someone out there for you, but there is, and once you find them, it’s all about letting them know how you feel. Trust me, I know. There’s a girl who I can always drop all pretense around and really be myself. I’ve never told her, but hey, do as I say not as I do!
Chad Weaver’s Blazin’ On Fire Dating Tip #2:
If you’re having trouble finding someone, don’t just go out to the bars. Join a group focused on a hobby you enjoy. Chances are you’ll find someone you like while you’re doing something you like…Huh? Why haven’t I ever told her? I don’t know. I guess it just never felt like the right time.
Chad Weaver’s Uncontrollable Wildfire Dating Tip #3:
Can’t seem to catch the eye of the lad or lass of your fancy? Don’t worry, all you have to do is—Say what? No, no I couldn’t just go to her out of the blue and tell her that she’s the one. Well of course I know we’re all going to die so nothing matters. So why not? I don’t…I just don’t know…
Chad Weaver’s The Great Chicago Fire Dating Tip #4:
If everything else fails just whip out your—YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK IT. You’re right, I’m going to her house right now and telling her I love her!
Chad Weaver’s Smouldering Coals Dating Tip #5:
Chad Weaver’s Tire Fire Dating Tip #6:
So yeah, her boyfriend was there, and as you can see, I don’t think it’s gonna work out. Just have sex with whoever you can whenever you can.