All this Halloween talk of ghouls and ghosts has got PressureLife wondering, just what happened to all those famous Clevelanders once they reached the Great Beyond? Just because they’re dead, doesn’t mean they’re not busy. Join our resident ghost whisperer, Adam Dodd, as he looks past this mortal coil and checks in on the Cleveland Afterlife…
d.a. Levy: After getting the ol’ PressureLife rub thanks to our two-part feature, “Leaving Levy” in past issues of the publication, a new series of the transcendental poet activist’s zines has begun circulating Heaven, exposing a cloud embezzling scheme connected to several high-ranking Archangels.
The Dead Boys: These 1970s Cleveland punk rockers have spent most of their eternity so far high fiving and shouting, “Called it!”
Moses Cleaveland: Former explorer and afterlife detective Moses Cleaveland is a rule-breaking wild card and the total opposite to Grover Cleveland, the newest detective to join the station. [harp scratch] Together, Moses and by-the-book Grover Cleveland are the afterlife’s answer to crime.
8 o’clock, 9 Central, it’s Cleaveland & Cleveland: Dead to Rights!
Ghoulardi: Aside from featuring in the cover story, “Monsters of Midnight“, in the current issue of PressureLife magazine, the former late night movie host can now be found whispering ideas into both of Tommy Wiseau’s ears.
Allan Freed: This influential radio jockey and coiner of the term “rock and roll” gets into all of Heaven’s cool supergroup concerts, but bums everybody out when he walks around reminding people of that, over, and over, and over, and over again.
Freed has since claimed to have also come up with B-52’s Rock Lobster, Guy Ritchie’s Rock ‘n’ Rolla, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, and the Neolithic era.
Harlan Ellison: The combative and highly litigious science fiction writer is in the midst of a contentious lawsuit, accusing God of copyright infringement.
Paul Newman: The star of Cool Hand Luke and creator of a popular line of salad dressings is now unable to eat greens after witnessing his legacy in normalizing ranch as a flavor.
Machine Gun Kelly: After the would-be bad-boy found himself utterly annihilated by Eminem’s “Killshot,” this pasty waif has been seen traipsing the halls of Valhalla, in the eternal search for adult-length T-shirts that still come in XXXS.
Sax Man: Speaking of supergroups, street performer Maurice “Sax Man” Reedus Jr. has become the premier session sax for such afterlife supergroups like Lennon and Cobain and the Mozart-Tupac Connection. Dating Joan of Arc.
Harvey Pekar: The writer of American Splendor has been moonlighting on bass guitar and has most recently played garage punk rock at Mahall’s Twenty Lanes in Lakewood in support of Minority Threat and SOUL GLO.
John Glenn: Cleveland’s very own rocket man, Glenn now serves as Super General Commander Elite for President Trump’s newest new branch of the U.S. Armed Forces, the much anticipated and bigly huge Ghost Space Force.