[intro-text size=”25px”]Severe thunderstorms left thousands of West Side Clevelanders without power last Thursday night, or so they say. What if, perhaps, the power outages were caused by something else? Something they don’t want us to know about.[/intro-text]

Hear me out, folks. I have a theory that the power outages were not caused by the thunderstorms, downed power lines, or tree and wind damage. Now, I’m not just some crackpot conspiracy theorist, I don’t believe in chemtrails, Bigfoot, aliens or that the Earth is round. When it comes to this, however, I believe something much more sinister is afoot rather than electrical damage simply caused by storms. Folks, I believe, and you should too, that the widespread outages were caused by only one thing: Dick Goddard’s hair team plugging in far too many hair dryers, curlers and ironers to keep his ‘do looking tight in their continuing attempt to conceal that Dick Goddard is actually a duck. Duck Goddard, folks. It’s the truth, don’t try to hide from it sheeple.

weaveDon’t believe me? Just think about it. Why would Dick Goddard choose to become a meteorologist, and be one for so long? Why does he seem to have such an uncanny knack for predicting the weather? Why does he get distracted whenever you throw bread at him? Take a look at this picture I found:

It’s pretty obvious when you piece it all together. Dick Goddard is a duck, and in order to draw attention away from his feathers and elongated beak, his hair and makeup team has had to go to great lengths perfecting his hair as a misdirection. So, Dick (Duck) Goddard, whipped into a frenzy because of the storm was likely flapping around his dressing room. During the chaos caused by his winged fury, his hair team was attempting to wrangle both him and his hair. This is when they probably tripped a breaker by plugging in far too many electronics to soothe both the waterfowl meteorologist and his messed up hairdo, and we all suffered for it (By all, I mean you all, I live in Akron where no birds are currently employed as weathermen).

I’m really more surprised this hasn’t happened sooner. Who knows all the crazy mix-ups Duck (Dick) Goddard’s team has gotten into over the years trying to conceal his true identity. I’m not trying to blame Dick Goddard (Duck), he is a credit to both the community and his species, I just want people to know the truth.