Pressure News Weekly – January 9th, 2017

Live from the Pressure Newsdesk, this is Pressure News Weekly for the second week in January 2017!

 

OH, WHAT MEDICINAL WEBS WE WEAVE

Scientists at the University of Nottingham in the United Kingdom have developed artificial spider silk, and no, none of the scientists involved were named Peter Parker. The artificial silk is made from E. coli bacteria and may soon be among the cutting edge for use in medical applications. Chief among them is wound dressing, a practice that has seen the use of spider silk dating back to the Roman Empire.

Once the artificial silk is produced, scientists coat it with an antibiotic, levofloxacin. To do so, they’ve woven the antibiotic into the artificial matrix before it completely weaves itself together, in a state when the molecules are more pliable. When fused with antibiotics, the silk, used to cover and bandage wounds, would also work as a natural antibiotic given the nature of that which it was ultimately composed.

“The doctor will see you now.”

Neil Thomas, who worked on the project, explained, “Our technique allows the rapid generation of biocompatible, mono or multi-functionalized silk structures for use in a wide range of applications.” The cross-range of application owes to the fact that spider silk is biocompatible and hasn’t a record of causing inflammatory, immune, or allergic reactions to patients. The scientists involved say that there are a multitude of applications depending on what was incorporated into the artificial silk.

So, if you they cut your medical insurance in 2017, your nearest nurse might be as close as your own backyard.

 

MAYBE HE THOUGHT IT WAS A POKEMON

It isn’t always the case- You walk into a McDonald’s and find yourself in a good old-fashioned slobberknocker, a real donnybrook, and just before the target practice in an Ed Hardy shirt and fitted ball cap learns firsthand of your wicked southpaw, boom, out comes the raccoon.

Occurring north of the Border, in Ottawa, at least a dozen rowdy canuckleheads went wild in the food court. There are alliances formed, friendships betrayed, kingdoms fall and rebellions rise. Then, like clockwork, someone pulls out a raccoon from inside of a hooded sweatshirt.

You can watch the video here and judge for yourself, and yes, it comes complete with a Taiwanese animated computerized simulation. You’re welcome.

There are just so many unanswered questions. Why are they fighting? What are the sides? I thought Canada was perennially apologetic? Did that guy come to the fight with the raccoon in preparation or did he just happen to be walking around with a live raccoon in his hoodie? Is either scenario any more believable?

Inquiring minds, indeed…

 

I REALLY NEED TO EXERCISE MORE

Well, I feel lazy now.

Robert Marchand puts us all to shame. The 105 year old, that one hundred plus five, has just broken a world record in cycling. The wily French centennial cycled over fourteen miles in one hour, culminating in a 92 lap world record within the Velodrome National, an indoor Parisian track.

Marchand has only taken up cycling at the tender age of 68. Before then, Marchand was a lumberjack, firefighter, and truck driver. With this guy, I’m not he didn’t do all three professions at the same time.

Marchand did not realize that the ten minute warning and, according to the Associated Press, laments, “Otherwise I would have gone faster.” Marchand is not hanging his hat on the accolade. This is not the culmination of a life’s work. “I’m now waiting for a rival.”

It’s like TRON, if they left their turning blinkers on the whole time.

 

SURPRISINGLY, NOT ABOUT NICKELBACK

The gates to hell have been found and, surprisingly, they’re not located in Florida.

Now entering: the mouth of hell. Exit through the giftshop.

Known as Pluto’s Gate, as well as the Ploutonion, it has been described as far back as Greek philosopher, Strabo’s written accounts dating from 60-33 BC, “This space is full of vapors so misty and dense that one can scarcely see the ground. Any animal that passes inside meets instant death. I threw in sparrows and they immediately breathed their last and fell.”

Italian archeologists have now found the actual stone gateway, erected to mark the subterranean chamber, in southwestern Turkey. Found were remains of a ceremonial pool, temple and steps that led to the aforementioned fatal cave. There are also other corroborating tales throughout history surrounding the region that detail oxen sacrifices, funerary rites as well as priests inhaling the noxious fumes to reach altered states of consciousness to deliver their oracles and rituals.

Centuries removed, Lead archeologist, Francesco D’Andria, corroborated Strabo in Discovery News, “We could see the cave’s lethal properties during the excavation. Several birds died as they tried to get close to the warm opening, instantly killed by the carbon dioxide fumes.”

Dead birds that have flown to close to the opening. Photo courtesy of: Atlas Obscura

The Ploutonion was originally lost in the 6th century AD when it was destroyed by zealous Christians and later by a devastating earthquake.

A gate to hell discovered and a feature length film based on emoticons occurring in the same year? Coincidence or simply a devil’s bargain?

 

That’s all the news that fit to print for this week. So, from the Westside to the East and all points in between, this has been Pressure News Weekly. I’ve been your anchor, Adam Dodd. Stay warm Cleveland!

 

 

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  • Adam Dodd

    Content Strategist, novelist and prolific roustabout who drinks entirely too much coffee. You can find him on Twitter @therealadamdodd

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