After yet another crushing loss, bringing our 2016 record to 0-10, there are some changes that need to be made for the Cleveland Browns. With that in mind, join us as we rip off David Letterman once again for PressureLife’s Top Ten: Changes After the Browns 0-10 Loss.
Top 10 Changes to the Browns after their 0-10 loss
10) Taking cue from Cleveland Indians, Browns to acquire culturally insensitive mascot to distract from losing record
9) Viewed in retrospect, Art Modell now considered a friend trying to save us from an abusive relationship
8) To save money, all receivers to be replaced with department store mannequins
7) Hungry for a championship, Browns are forced to play under a bridge by the Flats after FirstEnergy Stadium takes its talents to South Beach
6) Named after their most recent most winning and successful player the Browns are renamed the Cleveland Johnnys
5) Players begin moonlighting as FirstEnergy claims adjusters to cover the spread
4) Stadium tailgate parties beginning to resemble the last moments of Heaven’s Gate cult
3) Fueled by radioactive isotopes, team debuts an even brighter shade of orange to blind opposing team
2) Fans in the Dawg Pound contracting rabies for a chance to be euthanized before the 4th quarter
And, the number one change to the Cleveland Browns after their 0-10 loss…
1) To avoid sacks, McCowen to start plays on his back.