Pressure Top 10: “Why Morrissey Cancelled”

Emo before emo was emo.

Morrissey is the champion for the preternaturally pale and misanthropic as well as serving as the unrequited love for housewives who grew up in the late seventies and early eighties.

Until recently he was coming to town. Originally slated for November 25th, he postponed after a band member took ill, only to ultimately cancel the December 9th rescheduled date after citing that management were shortchanging the Moz. So join us as we, yet again, rip off David Letterman with the-

PressureLife Top 10 Reasons: Morrissey Cancelled his Show.

10) Concert Promoters actually wanted “Morris Day” and the News, were too embarrassed to explain.
9) After Trump’s election, touring in support of new album World Peace is None of Your Business seemed redundant.
8) Was trying to get his tour bus through rerouted Public Square… still waiting.
7) Got two lines into his “meat is murder” rant before being knocked unconscious by oversized corned beef from Slyman’s Deli
6) “Bigmouth Strikes Again”: concert was supposed to be a surprise party…. Thanks, Gary!
5) Catching up on awkward birthday cards after learning title of critically acclaimed album, The Queen is Dead, is still ahead of the times.
4) “Girlfriend in a Coma” woke up… insists on catching up on DVR’d Breaking Bad episodes
3) Morrissey playing it smart; waiting out the rest of 2016 in bomb shelter.
2) Shoplifters of the World did, in fact, Unite… and subsequently stole the band’s guitars.

And the Number One reason Morrissey Cancelled his Upcoming Concert:

1) Bad memories after the failed concept album, “The J.R. Smiths”
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    Content Strategist, novelist and prolific roustabout who drinks entirely too much coffee. You can find him on Twitter @therealadamdodd