[intro-text size=”25px”]Thought Superman and Art Modell were the only superheroes and villains to grace our modern metropolis? Think again. [/intro-text]

Johnny Football

A troubled man, Johnny’s origin story begins in the midst of act two where he has already fallen from grace before ever being seen with any. Battling substance abuse and a rampaging ego, his story is setting up to be a tale of redemption, hopefully. He may not be the hero this city wants, but he’s the hero we deserve.

The Super Pimp

I’m sure you’ve seen this sharp dressed silver-maned lady killer making the rounds of his patrol among the Downtown clubs. A snappy, colorful dresser, The Super Pimp is a glad-handing dilettante that knows how to get around and pose with a martini. Not a hero or villain per say, the Pimp has a kind of oozing charm that would make him a good diplomat to a visiting alien race; for a price of course, or a publicity shot.

PoopGangsta

Tyrice Bowens may be the most villainous of all, but it seems his secret weapon is the power of branding. With a rich criminal history that includes three counts of attempted murder and four counts of felonious assault, it was the discovery of his Instagram account and handle, after a Euclid bar shooting this past Christmas Eve, that led police in search of — The PoopGangsta. Bowens was recently sentenced to 12 years in prison, but we all know super-villains never stay behind bars long. Just ask this fecal felon’s criminal cohorts like Green Goblin or the Joker.

The Glassman

Speculation has arisen leading many to believe that Marc Glassman, owner and proprietor of the eponymous chain of Marc’s stores, is in fact the Lex Luthor of greater Northeast Ohio. That is, of course, if Luthor’s plans of world domination ended in the monopolization of discount food marts and pharmacies. Then again, his stores still only accept Discover cards, so he’s clearly some kind of villain.

The Serpentini

Far be it from me to knock a lucrative and successful local car dealer; all I’m saying is that Bob Serpentini has his own private island, appropriately named Rattlesnake Island. This is admittedly cool, but also exactly what a Bond villain does before he points a laser at the moon.

The King

Like Clark Kent coming of age in Smallville, Lebron James was raised as an ordinary earth boy outside of our fair metropolis (Akron). It wasn’t until puberty hit that Kent and James’s superpowers manifested — flight and power dunk respectively. And like Superman, James faced the adversity of death and rebirth when he was buried (in South Beach), only to make his triumphant return and lead the rest of the Justice League (Cavaliers) to glory. James’s kryptonite: shots from the arc.

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    Content Strategist, novelist and prolific roustabout who drinks entirely too much coffee. You can find him on Twitter @therealadamdodd