[intro-text size=”25px”]It may have been the Democrats week to shine as their first debate went down in the Las Vegas desert but that doesn’t mean their Republican counterparts weren’t keeping busy. Some tightened the bolts on their campaigns, some put their campaigns on pause and others just desperately kept tilting at any windmills they could find.[/intro-text]

GOP frontrunner, Donald Trump has threatened to boycott the upcoming CNBC debates if they do not limit them to two hours and include opening and closing statements. Following suit is second-place polling, Ben Carson. Not only has he backed Trump’s recent ultimatum, Trump recently stated that there would be room in his cabinet for Carson should he win the General Election. Also to note, Carson is one of the only GOP candidates that has not been the target of Trump’s public ridicule as of late. Are the two campaigns beginning to syncopate? Will we soon see a Trump/Carson ticket? If so, they would corner the market on “outsider.” This would effectively nullify Carly Fiorina’s main qualification, while doubling down on the attacks on Establishment candidates like Bush and Rubio.

Speaking of Establishment, the only thing more surprising than Trump’s meteoric rise is the complete non-factor of Jeb Bush’s campaign. Bush was assumed to be the front runner when he first announced his candidacy. Many were already dreading the inevitable Bush V Clinton slugfest.

Now? Not so much.

Bush has rarely seen double digits in any of the various national polling since he began his run and now climbing toward the lofty goals of eight percent sounds like something of a small victory. He is not without resources, Bush the III reached deep into his war chest and bombarded the airwaves this past week with an inundation of advertisement. Over the last three weeks, the Bush campaign has occupied over 60% of the political ads in New Hampshire as part of his five million dollar publicity push. Those must have been very informative commercials because his numbers actually dropped in the state since the ad blitz. To this end, he has begun to slash the salaries of his handlers and assistants to recoup his losses.

So what do you do when commercials and debates don’t work? Well, if you’re Rand Paul you clumsily try and live stream a day in the life of your campaign. Some people should just stay away from the internet. Paul was visibly irritated throughout the broadcast and was quoted, “I’m just doing what I’m told, riding around Iowa, looking at cornfields and answering silly questions.” To the question posed, “Is Rand Paul still running for President?” Paul sighed and answered, “Yes, I’m still running for President. I wouldn’t be doing this dumbass live stream if I weren’t.” He was also coerced into reading mean tweets about himself which focused mostly on the absurdity of his hair. It didn’t get much better when Trump (perhaps the only GOP candidate effectively using social media) trolled Paul through Twitter, “Watching Rand Paul all day?” Trump groused, “I would say that’s got to be one of the lowest ranked shows in history.”


After reading the insult live, Rand Paul looked to his cameraman and asked, “This isn’t live, we can edit this, right?”

Of course you can, Rand, why else would it be called “live streaming

But what if you need attention, a cause to rally against, an excuse to divert attention away from the better performing candidates? If you’re Mike Huckabee you pick a fight with a bag of chips. Yes, with Kim Davis’s fifteen minutes expired Huckabee is now tilting at colored corn chips. Apparently the evangelical candidate was appalled that Doritos has decided to offer a limited edition bag of rainbow colored chips if you donate money to the LGBTQ charity, It Gets Better. Huckabee has since claimed that Doritos are “anti-Christian” and has called for a boycott of the product stating, “As we begin to re-establish prayer in America, Christ’s disciples may expect an increase in wickedness as we prepare to return our nation to a biblical-based culture. Men and woman of Issachar [sic] must pick up the shields of faith, for nothing else can quench Satan’s fiery darts.”

Always tackling the heady issues of our times huh, Mike?

I pegged him for an unsalted pretzel kind of guy anyway.

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    Content Strategist, novelist and prolific roustabout who drinks entirely too much coffee. You can find him on Twitter @therealadamdodd