Life imitates art and back again. Game of Thrones has always been about the struggle to be the last man or woman standing in a cut-throat political climate. What better comparison than to that of the 2016 U.S. political cycle?
So, without further ado, Pressure Life gives you; Election 2016: Westeros Edition
Bernie Sanders as The High Sparrow: So let’s get the obvious one out of the way first, yeah? It’s as if they modeled this character from the Vermont Senator from the get go. Down to the disheveled white hair and “power to the people” stump speeches, both Sanders and the High Sparrow are surrounded by ever-increasing throngs of zealously passionate young supporters. Both are running a grass-roots activist campaign that is big on revolution against a decadent ruling class.
Hillary Clinton as Cersei Lannister: As the Sparrow spared with Queen Cersei, Sanders has done so with Clinton. Golden haired and the spouse of a former leader, both Cersei and Hillary have been accused of being cold and unapproachable. Like Cersei, Hillary is calculating and highly intelligent. Her greatest strength comes when her opponents underestimate her.
Barack Obama as Jamie Lannister: Like Obama, the Kingslayer is charming, even-tempered, and well spoken. And like Obama when compared with his peers, Jaime is one of the few likable characters in a series where mostly everyone else is an asshole. If you’ve seen Hillary debate, you can understand the near incestuous relation Hillary is attempting to connect to the Obama administration’s successes. Their campaigns may not be related, but she wishes they were.
Donald Trump as Joffrey Baratheon: Okay, so I was tempted to go for the Littlefinger comparison. King Joffrey was too on the nose to pass up. Petulant, prone to temper-tantrums, both are spoiled ingrates that got their money from their father’s successes. Both surround themselves with tacky displays of wealth and status. Both have record high unfavorable ratings.
Chris Christie as The Hound: Both are big boys that know how to throw their weight around. Both are loyal to a fault to their master. As the Hound was always seen standing silently at King Joffrey’s heel awaiting his next command, so too can Christie be seen standing with a slack mouth and vacant stare just behind Trump at many of his rallies.
Ted Cruz as Ramsey Bolton: JUST LOOK AT HIM! Okay, Ted Cruz never peeled back someone’s skin as a hobby (that we know of) but he is incredibly creepy looking and has been accused of being the Zodiac Killer, so there’s that. Also, both look like they would enjoy drowning small animals.
Carly Fiorina as Yara Greyjoy: Both women are tough as nails and trying to succeed in a male-dominated world. Both are incredibly boring, lack any trace of charisma and do nothing to further the storyline.
Ben Carson as White Walker: The only brain surgeon who consistently looks as though he had operated on himself, Carson ran most of the campaign with the half-mast eyes and glacial speaking manner that only the staggeringly slow White Walkers delegates in the zombie caucus could get behind.
George W Bush as Robert Baratheon: The folksy, dumb but charming, old leader. His time has passed but in his absence there is confusion among who should rise to take his place.
Jeb Bush as Stannis Baratheon: The brother to the former King, Stannis! always felt he had a birthright claim to the throne, the same could be said about Jeb. Despite being a logical successor, Stannis had trouble finding followers to rally around his cause due to his lack of charisma and dour attitude, ala Jeb.
Marco Rubio as Renly Baratheon: Like Renly, Rubio was a babyface that was taken out of the picture early on in the story. Despite talk of raising a powerful campaign, he amounted to nothing but a footnote.
Lincoln Chafee as Mace Tyrell: Both are harmless silly dum-dums who never had a clue from the get go, but I’d welcome either back with open arms as comic relief.
I’m sure you noticed there were no comparisons for fan-favorites like Jon Snow, Daenerys or Tyrion. If you have some be sure to mention in the comments section… Who’d make a good Arya? Varys? Red Woman?